Confusion reigns

Went to dinner with colleagues last night. The ambience was cloudy with a cool humidity  permeating the outdoor restaurant seating just above the waterline. Arrived early with one co-worker who was (unofficially) aware of my plans. He asked what the boss said, and I noted that he folded up the letter and said we need to talk about this later. So, had I changed my mind?

I said maybe, perhaps I’ll count to ten again. I had to speak candidly with supervision. So after food and fun conversation last night, I am looking at the possible options. Could I work at this position as a contractor, working for a 1099 at no more that 20 hours per week, while looking for income sources for more hours? I am intrigued that perhaps I could slightly disassociate my feelings about (unnamed) by working more for myself with less emotional attachment to one employer

Pulled every which way (simultaneously)

Monday, I remained ambivalent about giving my supervisor the letter of resignation. But after an exhausting Monday getting ready for the site-review on Tuesday by the (unnamed) unit of the (unnamed) state agency, I kept busy until a slight from one of the (unnamed) units lit the fuse. I would, and did present the letter to my boss. 

This is from 1996 when my first van had to be towed 58 miles away for a major fix to the adaptive equipment such as the lift and wiring issues. It was a helpless feeling to see it get towed away, and have no egress to the outside world for a week. I am not feeling helpless these days. Photo by Patti


He said that he wouldn’t accept this, as there may be other opportunities at the non-profit (I do not know where) and we need to discuss after the audit. I though that he was giving me the the chance to count to ten again, the proverbial ‘time out’. So I am glad to have made a decision, but have no idea what is to occur next.

Speaking of the review, we were told to prepare for a time of 11:00 - 1:00, so I made an appointment for 3:00 at a place about 40 minutes from our office, with at least ten minutes to find a parking place for my wheelchair van at that facility, and another five minutes to transfer from the special driver’ seat into my wheelchair. I figured that I had enough time. 


The site-review person arrived at 1:45. I could only gather the files to be reviewed, give to my boss and leave for my appointment. Apparently this person had a site-review at another nearby contractor, and ran late. (Not that a real schedule might be made and adhered to). Things happen, but I made my work appointment based on the state agency to be on time. Sheesh...

I await the future not with trepidation nor with dread. I would like to decouple from my particular position and (unnamed), but do see a fine future whichever way things go...

Note: I prefer to not name names, so am keeping the agencies and personnel anonymous. I know at least five people who if they read my blog (the blog being unannounced to my colleagues), would recognize the narrative. Discretion the better part of valor, and so on...

Day of reckoning - or not

I nearly did it yesterday - I nearly decided to terminate myself after a certain date. The thinking was October 1, a Friday would be a fine ending to this position that doesn't seem suited to my temperament. 

I would prepare a letter and announce my resignation effective Friday 1 October. It seemed straightforward, and simple. Beyond that date I could be a contractor for myself instead of working for a contractor for the (unnamed) government entity.


As the day wore on, my strategy shifted. When I am gone, some of my workload would be shifted to others, which leaves me a little uncomfortable - what would I think if my workload increased by 15% for no additional compensation?


(A fine time for my conscience to be placed in gear)


Now I will compose that letter but keep it loaded on the laptop. The date and time of my ouster, voluntary or not, remain a mystery. Yet, I have it in my mind that change is in the air. Who makes the first move is the question