Indecision should be harder than making a decision

The title seems perfectly true - however, the inverse is often the reality. It is Sunday, and I need to go to the office and visit a consumer tomorrow. I want to break away, but as I dither, nothing has yet been decided on the October 1 by any party. I said I would reconsider, and I did. I really want to move out of the project that funds my part-time position. I would have no problem with being a part of this non-profit, although I know that there is probably no funding source for anything else.

Ah, guilt shows up on occasion, too. Co-workers would have to take up the slack, and consumers I have would have to be reassigned to others. Would I be running out on co-workers irresponsibly? Naturally, it is a selfish move, but is that bad?? What about me, should I be preeminent in my moves, or accede to other people and entities? 

Do I hit the ball hard and miss the hole, or hit it softly and not make it? Likewise, should I stay (the easier course) or move on (fraught with some peril)? Photo by Cam  

I need to contact the one who (sort of) rejected my resignation - and we have to make decisions. I need to make the first move, as I do not want to keep hanging on without making a decision on my future...

Planning my escape - how?

I work for a non-profit who in turn works as a contractor for a State of CT (unnamed) state agency on an (unnamed – yet) project. I would prefer not to name names - although some people I am in contact with know exactly of whom I am referring.

What is annoying is how government as a rule adds zero value to any process. Where time is money, where speed with accuracy results in better outcomes.

Not that this unnamed agency seems to be concerned with outcomes in general are not the main goal – maintaining the flawed process instead. If anyone has been involved in the for-profit world (couldn't be anyone in the state I've dealt with), speed and outcomes matter. I don’t believe anyone involved in the project on the state level ever has…Even working at a non-profit, I have to work with these state people...And I am not knocking those that work for the state per-se, I am just not seeing true efficiency

I need to getaway, to what and how I can’t say. Yeah, at my age (55) and in a wheelchair, conventional employment is out. No whining, the decision makers will be nice about it during the interview, but…I have a mind and a modicum of intelligence. 


How do I plot my getaway???

Knowing when to hold instead of when to fold...

The disabled community is not often of one mind when it comes to bias. After nearly 15 years requiring a wheelchair for ambulation, I generally remain positive about the future despite loss of job, income and other side effects of using a wheelchair. Many disabled persons have this sense of being wronged, complain discrimination - the ubiquitous 'they' have it in for me because I am...y'know, disabled.


Does it exist? Sure. Is that a problem? Depends on your perspective. At my age, perhaps employers wouldn't consider hiring, a wheelchair is equally disdained.

Yet, I have contempt for anybody in this state who reflexively argues that discrimination rules the world. To wit, I need to be prepared for an interview, performed my research, and ready to engage the interviewer. Just like everybody else. The world cannot confer me any special entitlements. Yeah, the 'chair is a problem to some employers. Yet all things being equal, eliminating me from consideration for whatever reason is their right. I may have the quicker thinking reflexes, than the interviewer, but hey, it is their business. Not a decision based on [their lack of] intellectual prowess.

Although I have been considering how to acquire income independently. Forget my legs, my brain is up to the challenge. Do I have the courage to chuck my employ and try? Attention must be paid, so let me see...